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Reasons Why You Are Not Winning at Relationships

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We’ve all made them: Relational Mistakes!  Building great relationships is one of the trickiest things in the world.

 

When done wrong, it becomes a nightmare that will haunt you for a long while. When done correctly, it becomes the greatest blessing to your life and everyone around you.

So what’s the deal? Why are so many, and I do mean many, so pathetic when it comes to dating/courting/marriage relationships? It’s easier to ask a nine-year old to drive to town for the groceries than it is to expect (some) adults to get the dating-courting-marriage thing right.

Let me share with you two relational facts – ‘Relational Laws’ that will never change and happens to be the fundamental solution to our relational unhappiness.

 

If you want to take control and “uncomplicate” your Love-life, first accept this:

 

 

Who you attract (or who you reject) in your life, and who you keep (or who you lose) in your life, essentially trickles down to this: what you VALUE.

 

Let me explain…

 

What you value is not only a question of compatibility… what you value determines what you find attractive!

I value a woman who has respect and humility. Guess what?  I found and DID marry a woman who is respectful and humble.

Some people value physical beauty, resulting in them being willing to sacrifice all other traits for physical appearance in a partner.
Others value intelligence above all else, resulting in them being willing to overlook other traits for intelligence.

 

The fact remains; what you value determines what you attract in others, which determines the kind of partners you pursue and the people you end up in relationships with.

 

So why are there so many couples who are unfulfilled, unhappy and miserable in their relationships? Well, it’s simple. They are playing the relationship game with the wrong rules. This is the reason your Facebook relationship status reads “complicated” or “divorced.”

 

Dating or courting successfully requires you to understand and avoid the following two problems:

 

 

First Problem

 

You value the wrong traits in a partner — traits that are actually incompatible with you. This eventually creates a weak relationship.

 

(Look out for my online course and new book coming soon: “Successful Dating”.  In here I deal with the difference between Compatibility and Chemistry).

It goes deeper than that. What you value also determines what you desire to cultivate and invest your time and resources in for yourself.

 

Compatibility – it is the golden key to building a marriage based on a lasting and genuine friendship.

 

 

 

Second Problem

 

You focus and work on developing the wrong traits in yourself — traits that attract people who are incompatible or a bad partner for you.

 

Have you ever seen a girl or a guy who has a good and moral upbringing lose their way?  Why does this happen?

If you are exposed and involved with a someone with values and standards that aren’t yours, it won’t be long before you find yourself becoming that person you hate. What you focus on is what you eventually become.

 

It all boils back down to what you value. Decide your values, prioritise them and then date from this position.

 

For instance, if you value spirituality and you desire to be with a person who loves God as you do, keep investing in your spiritual life.

Never change who you are or what you value, to attract someone who does not value you (or what you value).

This will transform your dating life completely!

 

What one values is important, indicating the reason why some relationships are better than others.

 

For instance, honesty generates better relationships than muscle or money.

Trust generates better relationships than power and status.

Respect generates better relationships than always being right.

These are some simple, but fundamental principles.

 

 

All of these examples will be explored in much more depth in
my course “Successful Dating”.

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The Anatomy Of a Healthy and Stable Marriage

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It felt authentic, perfect as Sirius against the night carpet sky. You could feel it; we were “meant for each other.”

Aglow in love, bonded in an endless future of promises, our relationship swiftly moved from the casual dating stage to the deeper and emotionally-connected courtship stage.

We had the “perfect thing” going on, until that moment – our “first fight.” Not physical but how a mere disagreement could make us feel so distraught was beyond explainable!

Perhaps you can recall your first fight? For us, suddenly everything changed.

A new bell was added to our relationship. Something we knew was here to stay. Suddenly, doubt and uncertainty filled our hearts, “are we meant for each other?” Prevailing thoughts that seem to dim our shining star.

It’s been fifteen years since and we’ve had many more intense fights, but we’ve overcome them all. Here’s the reason why: It’s not IF you fight, but HOW you fight that’s important.

Most couples love each other deeply, but don’t know how to fight well. We have not figured it all out as yet, however, what we are aware of, is the fact that happy or not —all couples fight and sometimes furiously.

Be that as it may, an essential part of the anatomy of a healthy and stable marriage is the knowledge on how to resolve the conflict.

 

Guidelines On How To Deal With Conflict:

 

 

#1. Start Slow and Soft

 

Begin your discussion with the correct tone. “A gentle answer turns away anger”.

Next state your complaint about a specific action you may have disliked. In doing so,  you NEVER condemn your spouse. You are permitted to complain, but DON’T blame.

Describe what is happening to your feelings about what has been said or done, but don’t evaluate and judge.

Talk calmly about what you need to and NEVER bring up past resentments and failures.

Here is an example “… last night at the restaurant before everyone at the dinner table, you said, ‘I’ve picked up a tonne of weight.’ That was unexpected and hurt me. Please don’t speak about my weight again before anyone; I’ve just had our baby.”

 

 

 

#2. Words Break Or Build 

 

It’s easy for emotions to get out of hand, and to become malefic, using our words to hurt and break each other.

However, it’s essential to learn how to find ways to repair the damage with your words and deeds. When emotions go berserk, REMEMBER, the goal in dealing with conflict, the proper way is to de-escalate the emotionalism and get the conversation back on a constructive track.

This requires both emotional and spiritual maturity. It’s important that one of you has both oars in the water when you both feel like flying off the handle.

 

#3. Empathy Deepens Your Marriage and Friendship   

 

The ability to understand and share the feelings of another can work miracles in your marriage.

Unless you are willing to make TRUE effort to understand your spouse’s way of thinking and feelings; empathy will not work for you.

Empathy deepens your marriage and friendship and can be applied in the following ways:

Awareness — Be aware of what your spouse is feeling and what’s behind that feeling.

Awareness starts with being observant around your spouse.

Agenda — Set aside your own agenda and focus on the needs of your spouse.

Agenda is all about being selfless INSTEAD of selfish. It’s about putting your spouse’s needs before your own.

Action — Take action on meeting the needs of your spouse.

Actions speaks louder than words, but attitudes speak louder than actions. Whatever you do for your spouse, do it with a cheery attitude.

 

 

 

#4. Make Each Other Bigger Than The Problem

 

Acknowledging the problem is important, but making your marriage bigger than the problem is priority.

Making your marriage bigger than any problem can be achieved as follows:

WORK TOGETHER at getting to the root of the problem.

SEARCH FOR SOLUTIONS together.

CONSIDER EACH other’s point of view.

ARRIVE AT A COMPROMISE, find a way to resolve it and arrive at a compromise.

SOLUTIONS, come up with solutions.

SELECT A SOLUTION that you are both happy with and can carry it out.

BE DETERMINED to make amends or to make up for wrong doings.

RESOLVE to prevent a recurrence.

#5. Accept The Things Your Dislike In Each Other

 

 

The same personality traits that attracted you to your spouse in the first place, become the things that you may grow to dislike.

It’s great, for example, to have a responsible husband who is punctual, neat and orderly. You never have to wait for him, pick up after him, do his chores or worry whether he’ll pick up the kids on time. If he says he will do it, you know he will. BUT, oftentimes such husbands may be rigid about others following rules and are inflexible.

We can be annoyed by the same traits that initially attracted us to each other. Remember during your dating or courting stage you raved about how ambitious and driven your spouse was. When conflict showed up, you now call him a ‘self-absorbed workaholic’.
The truth is, not all issues can be resolved. This is a time to accept what you can’t change and trust God to change what you can’t.

 

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10 Women Men Should Never Marry

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A man should be looking for a helpmate, not a mate to help. These are two entirely different things. The Bible tells us that he who finds a wife finds a good thing.  It doesn’t say that every woman qualifies as a good wife.

 

So what are some of the qualities that you should be looking for in a wife?  As Relational Coaches, my wife and I have been talking on the subject of Dating, Courtship and Marriage for more than a decade. We are passionate to help and see couples succeed in marriage.

I’ve managed to compile a list of 10 types of women men should NEVER marry. (Also see my article 10 TYPES OF GUYS TO PUT ON YOUR DO NOT DATE LIST)

10 Women Men Should Avoid

 

1. Deva Deborah

 

“It’s all about me” or “I’m the first and the last and the in between” – this is the motto of this kind of woman.

As a Godly man, you have direction and a vision for your life, right?  But I’m telling you Mr, if you marry a Deva Deborah, you will waste your life and your God given gifts fulfilling the vision of this woman.

Find a helpmate who will help you get to the place God has planned for you both. I’m truly blessed to celebrate a wife who supports my God given destiny.

 

 

2. Dominator Donna

 

God has established order; this woman doesn’t respect it. She believes God’s word is “old fashion” so she makes her own rules.

For this reason, she wears the pants and won’t stop trying until she has you wearing the skirt.

Don’t just walk away from this woman — drink 13 red bulls and fly!

 

 

3. Controlling Candice

 

What’s disguised as “I just care about you” is really the need for manipulative control or a heart poisoned by morbid jealousy.

Controlling Candice dominates as she strives to own your life. She makes decisions for you, especially with regards to whom you choose as friends. She can get so bad, she even decides from the menu what you will eat tonight.

She will constantly check up on you or falsely accuse you of cheating on her.

Can I “trust you” seems to be all that you talk about because of her ominous need for control.

This woman is worse than a rotten onion, she will suffocate and choke the love out of your heart.

 

4. Bible Bashing Bobby

 

Oh, she can quote the Bible better than anyone else, including the One who wrote it.  God speaks “ONLY TO ME!” -she thinks.

She is heavenly minded and earthly no good. She may know the Bible and have great knowledge, but she lacks the pearls of wisdom.

God created sex for procreation and ENJOYMENT, she’ll without sex from you because she is “fasting.”

Bible Bashing Bobby is exhausting, draining and has no joy or sense of humour. If she laughs, her face would crack. Her comfort comes only from one place, the law of the Lord.

 

5. Curvy Candy

 

This is the woman most men are drawn to. She’s built like a 1968 Ford Mustang; she has all the right curves in all the right places -sexy!

But…

just like the “trophy of the year” that’s only good for about a year and then it goes to the next best thing that comes along -this is what she is like.

I’m not saying your wife shouldn’t be attractive, this is important for most men.

Just make sure that looks aren’t the only thing that attracts you to hear, because, although a trophy will lose its shine over time, what’s on the inside -never will.

Unless God can change her heart; the woman who loves to flirt with strangers, waiters and even your friends, is not marriage material!

That last thing you want is to be married to someone who will deliberately flirt with people in front of you, let alone behind your back.

If you thinking of marrying a Curvy Candy – I suggest you think again!

 

 

6. Prideful Peggy

 

This woman has to have the best of everything—best car, biggest house, name-branded clothing. This woman is weight; she will weigh your spirit down and eventually crush your marriage.

Her identity and self-worth are wrapped up in things. Consequentially she constantly compares what she has to what others have.

She will drive a man into debt because enough will never be enough. If you hear her constantly comparing herself to others, keeping this woman happy will feel like a root canal without anaesthetic!

 

7. Faulty Felicia

 

This woman never shuts up!
She finds faults in everything and in everyone.  Over time she will sound like a leaking roof that never stops -anonying!

 

 

8. Addicted Alicia

 

This woman lives in the past, looking in the rearview mirror of life.

Her life’s anthem is the song of defeat “somebody did me wrong” she sings to everybody and anybody who will listen.

She’s like a ‘sushi train’ – she continually rotates her failures and losses of life.

Often this woman will battle addictions, whether it’s drugs, alcohol, promiscuity or food. Her pains will become your worst nightmare.

Remember you are looking for a helpmate, not a mate to help.

 

9. Paranoid Pricilla

 

This woman is afraid of everything—afraid to speak, afraid to drive, afraid to fly, afraid to try anything new.

Sir, believe me, “Paranoid Pricilla” will hold you back from becoming the gift you were meant to be.

This doesn’t mean a woman can’t balance a man to keep him from being reckless. Often a woman is a great discerner and can sense things that men overlook.

But Paranoid Pricilla is the woman who can never go beyond her comfort zone, she’s a creature of habit. She is obsessed with tragedy, illness, and talks of disasters and sickness as if it is something to expect.

10. Lazy Lucy

 

You will know she is a “Lazy Lucy” when her house is a dirty mess and her car smells like a dump site – even worse.

She is also the type of woman, who doesn’t take care of herself in any way. Her hair is not washed and combed – and smells as if she uses compose hair-fertilizer.   Her clothes are not ironed, her shoes still have the discounted labels on its soles. This woman is too lazy to care! Hygiene is a matter of a burden, not a matter of virtue.

Laziness is sinful according to the Bible.

If she doesn’t have a healthy love for herself, she won’t be able to love you correctly!

 

Finally,  because women tend to be just a whole lot more complicated than men, I’ve decided to a BONUS point –Number 11!

 

11. The Gold-digger

 

She’s the woman who loves your wallet, more than your heart. If it wasn’t for your bank account, and credit cards, you’d never stand a chance – believe me!

Stay away from a woman who is only interested in what your salary can buy her.

Yes, she’s a Colour Me Bad -A money-taker and a heartbreaker… You don’t want to be married to someone you have to pay a premium to, to get your attention or to give you some affection.

She is the type of a woman who will not be there for you when you no longer can satisfy her physical needs.

This type of a woman will NEVER find true love, because of her materialistic heart.

 

 

Disclaimer: Any name associated with this list is not associated with a person I personally know. Any connection is purely coincidental.

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10 Types Of Guys to Put on Your Do Not Date List

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Every girl looks forward to finding her Prince Charming. The moment love finds them, then the dream fairytale wedding and a perfect life thereafter. But, as you grow older, you realise that nobody’s perfect. So instead of looking for Mr Perfect, you look for the one who is perfect for you -a sign you’ve matured.

As Pastors for over a decade, alongside Rey, my wife (16 years and counting) we’ve observed how beautiful, ambitious girls, settled for less than THE BEST.

One of the most difficult things we face at times is trying to speak “sense” into some of these precious hearts. Whether it is by way of, Whatsapp, Email or our Dating and Courtship Workshops, we’d encourage these young ladies, “yes follow your heart, but not without your brain.”

 

Often the complaint we hear from them is, “the pickings are slim to none at the Church.” So they venture into the world throwing up their hands in despair, and desperation. Even lowering their standards in order to find “love.”

We shared with them our mistakes; we encourage them not settle for less than God’s best. As much as we feel we do our best, our wisdom often is disregarded and the consequences for them are inevitable.

Too many Christian women today, have ended up with an Ishmael because impatience pushed them into an unhappy marriage. This is a great sadness!

It’s my sincerest hope, this article would help you.  I’ve always believed God is in the matchmaking business. He matched me with my wife and He can do it for you. How or when I can’t tell you but what I can tell you is which guy not from Him.

So what are the qualities of a keeper: How do you recognize a good guy?

It’s true, as you look for Mr Right, you look past some of the bad traits, so you can see all the good ones.

This shows that you’re not shallow, emotionally mature and possibly ready for a steady relationship. But, despite how shallow it might seem, there are some guys you should just AVOID like the black plague!

 

10 Types Of Guys To Put On Your Do Not Date List

 

 

#1. The Controller Freak

 

Do not date a controller!

You may fancy the “attention” in the early dating stage. Particularly if you grew up as a young girl without the affection, attention and love of your father.  A controlling man will come back to haunt your marriage.

Here is the truth about biblical leadership, it is servant leadership, not domination!

There are many “Christian men” who go around quoting scriptures about headship and being the spiritual leader. However, their idea of leadership is having a woman be subservient to them.

They may quote Scripture and sound super-spiritual, but behind the façade of husbandly authority is deep insecurity and pride that destroys and leads into spiritual and emotional abuse. God created a man and a woman as equal. A man and a woman differ in function, not status!

 

“Commands husbands to treat their wives as equals.”
1 Peter 3:7

If the man you are dating talks down to you makes demeaning comments about women or seems to quench your spiritual fire for God, back away now!

You don’t need his “power trip” issues to further complicate your life.

Women who marry “religious control freaks” often end up depressed and having a  marriage like “Nightmare on Elm’s Street.”

Put that type of guy on your do not date list.

 

 

#2. The Deceiver

 

One of the major challenges in modern society is the lack of understanding of the difference between; dating and courtship.

Dating is for discernment. Discerning important things such as; character, emotional and intellectual compatibility.

It’s important to look beyond physical attraction.  Hers is why, when people date, they put their “best foot” forward to try to impress the other person, right?  This is human nature. What is not human nature is when people intentionally deceive a person about their past or their character.

If you discover that the guy you are dating has deceived you about his past…  run for the hills!

Marriage must be built on a foundation of friendship which is built on the foundation trust.

If he can’t be truthful about his mistakes in the past or about his character flaws, break up now before he deceives you with an even bigger deception.

This guy deserves to be on your do not date list.

 

 

#3. The Irresponsible Man-Child

 

Is your guy still living with his mama? Run and don’t look back!

Call me old-fashion, but if a guy at age 35 is still living with mum’s and pap’s, he is going to the tough-nut to please!

Forget about getting him to do any chores around the house. You’ll be like, baby in the one arm, the other whimpering in the cot, while you doing the cooking and thinking about the ironing.    I’ve seen marriages crush, because of the uninvolved, present but absent husband.

If his mother is still doing his cooking, cleaning and ironing at that age, you can be sure he’s stuck in an emotional time warp.

He is an overgrown baby in an adult’s body. You are asking for trouble if you think you can be a wife to a guy who hasn’t grown up and is not responsible enough.

If he can’t take care of himself, how the heck he going to take care of you, the children?

Back away and, as a friend, encourage him to find a mentor who can help him mature.

But whatever you do, put him on your do not date list.

 

 

#4. The Chippendale

 

There are actually men in the church and especially online that prey on women who are gullible, lonely and needy.

They will lead them right down the path of sexual promiscuity with no intention of marrying them.

If you marry someone who cannot control his libido prior to marriage, what makes you think he will control it after you are married?

If he has a “wandering eye” in front of you, trust me, sweetheart, he’s a player, flirting with others girls behind you.

How will you ever trust a guy like this, who can not trust his optical system?

This type of guy is a no-brainer for your do not date list.

Finding a man who has control over his sexual appetites is a rare gem indeed.

You will be well served to find such a man.

 

 

#5. The Abuser (Spiritual, Emotional, Or Physical)

 

Abuse is caused by anger and manipulation.

If the guy you are dating has a tendency to fly off the handle, either at you or others, don’t be tempted to rationalise his behaviour.

He has a problem, and if you marry him you have a problem, a serious problem. You will have to walk on eggshells in your own home. Angry men hurt women—verbally and sometimes physically.

Put that type of guy on your do not date list.

Pray for a gentleman.

Pray for a guy that doesn’t try to manipulate his world to always get his way.

Pray for a guy that can accept when things are not what he wants all the time.

 

 

#6. The Deserter

 

Do not date a deserter!

There are many great Christian men who have experienced the tragedy of divorce and have done the things necessary to heal from that event in their life and are ready to have a great marriage.

The Holy Spirit has restored them and now they want to remarry.

But if you find out that the man you are dating hasn’t been caring for his children from a previous marriage, you have just exposed a fatal flaw.

Any man who will not support children from a previous marriage is not going to treat you responsibly.

What makes you think that he will support you when he will not take responsibility for his own children or be the dad that his kids need?

Put him on your do not date list.

 

 

#7. The GQ Man

 

Everybody should marry somebody that is physically attractive to them.

But be careful: If your guy spends six thousand hours a day at the gym and regularly posts closeups of his biceps on Facebook, you have a problem, drink 13 red bulls and fly away!

He is self-absorbed if he cares more for his triceps or his toys (car, or hobby) that he cares for you. The guy who’s willing to drop it all for you, he’s the one! Never accept second best when God has only the best for his daughter.

Watch out for the narcist. Narcissus was an ancient Greek mythological figure who was so beautiful that he fell in love with himself – but because he couldn’t leave his own reflection in the water, he eventually drowned.

A person who is a narcissist is so convinced of their own greatness that they don’t see their weaknesses. Marrying a narcissist is a very one sided relationship. They’re always trying to vaunt their own greatness – often at the expense of others.

When a person is self-absorbed then they don’t have the time nor the inclination to give themselves to someone else. They are in fact in love with themselves.

He might be cute, but a man who is infatuated with his appearance and his own needs will never be able to love you sacrificially like Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).

The man who is always looking at himself in the mirror will never notice you!

Put him on your do, not date list.

 

 

#8. The Addicted User

 

Guys who go to church but are addicted to mind altering substances have learned a secretive behavioural lifestyle.

Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction.

Insist that he get professional help and walk away.

And don’t get into a co-dependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober.

You can’t fix him. It is not your job it is God’s job!

Don’t try to be “holy spirit junior,” and try to anyone. Firstly He does not need your help (thank you very much,) secondly, don’t deceive yourself into thinking, “he will change once we marry.” If God can’t change him, neither will marriage or you!

Take enough time to know someone before you get married. That’s the purpose of dating.

You don’t want to be surprised on your honeymoon that you actually married a crack head.

Put him on your d, not date list.

 

 

#9. The Lazy Bum

 

Do not date a lazy bum!

The first thing God gave Adam was a JOB, not a wife! For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10

Does your guy have a job?

Does he have a life plan?

If the answer is now, he can’t afford you or marriage. I can’t tell you how many ladies I have seen supporting guys who have no plan in their life.

The rule to eating applies to marrying you as well. If he is not willing to work, he has no business marrying a godly woman like you!

Ladies, don’t sell your spiritual birthright for a bowl of stew.

Don’t marry a man that doesn’t deserve you. Put him on your do not date list.

Please receive our “fatherly” or “motherly” advice:

You are much better off single than with the wrong guy!

Your smartest decision in life is to wait for a man who is sold out to Jesus!

 

 

#10. The Unbeliever

 

Don’t date an unbeliever!

Please take this scripture and write it on a post-it note and place it on your mirror, refrigerator and your computer at work.

“Don’t yoke with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

You don’t want to be “yoked” with a man who does not know the LORD and God’s Word. It becomes complicated and more so when the children arrive.

Don’t be fooled by good looks, a witty personality, financial prosperity, or even a willingness to go to Church with you while you are dating. If the guy was not actively serving the Lord prior to you meeting him, then he is not marriage material.

Marriage taps into the spiritual dynamics of unity. If you don’t have a spiritual agreement, you don’t have a real agreement. You must do a spiritual X- Ray before you date anyone.  Don’t treat dating a guy like an item on the shopping list. Get it when you need it kinda thing…. 

It’s possible to end up being that woman who gets trapped in unfulfilling marriages because you fell prey to the guy who wanted to find a “good Church girl” but had no intention of being a good Church man himself. So be aware of this.

I have never met one godly woman who didn’t regret marrying an unbeliever.

Please put them on your do, not date list.

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The Top 10 Gifts Just for Her,

It’s time for giving, may I suggest we focus on giving the kind of gifts that will build your relationship? 

 

Here is a list of the TOP 10 GIFTS just the kind every wife wants from her husband, that she can’t really ask for: 

 

 

1.

Befriend Her

 

Be her friend…

Go on a date together. Do fun things together. Plan trips even if they will be short. These are the best moments to share your struggles and dreams. Most wives are very lonely and feel emotionally disconnected -so be that best friend to her.

After all, marriage is nothing without friendship!

 

2.

Appreciate Her

 

Recognise what she does… 

Pixie dust is not the reason the house is clean, the pantry is stocked and the kids are washed and tucked into bed.   Express gratitude for the little tasks she takes care of that you may usually take for granted.

Here is one great tip on how to show your appreciation; FLOWERS!  And make sure it’s her favorite. They say, wherever flowers bloom so does hope. So let the fragrance of hope fill your home! 

 

 

3.

Compliment Her

 

Let me let you in on a little secret…

 

Don’t just tell her she is beautiful, tell her why she is beautiful.  Say out loud with to yourself, “you are beautiful,”   Say it one more time, “you are beautiful.”  Great! Now try practicing it on your wife. 

Complement the dress that she is wearing, and whatever you do DON’T forget to mention her SHOES, how great her NEW hair color suits her complexion (even if it is not true!) 

Tell her she is a great mum. Through at her a woman’s all-time favorite compliment – “you look like you lost weight baby”, even if it is not factual, but hearing this from you, will make her day!

Tell her how smart she is, how talented and great at her work she is. Remember, a woman communicates with feelings, so she doesn’t hear words, she feels them. 

Remember that it’s incredibly important that you are incredibly sincere. A woman will always accept a compliment, but nothing builds her self-esteem when she hears it all the time from you. Your wife needs to be consistently affirmed, and the man for the job is you!

 

 

 

4.

Understand Her

 

The truth is, a woman will never be understood!

For instance, her fascination with shoes, saying the opposite of what she means. …sincere tact is required to console her when she’s had a rough day.

‘Listen’ to her soul -with your heart not with your logic. Say things like: “you are right”, “I’m sorry”, “It sounds like you had a rough day”, “I can’t believe your boss spoke to you that way.” The gift of understanding (connecting with her feelings), not her logic is healing in her soul!

 

BUY NOW

 

5.

Consider Her

 

If she is anything like my wife…

Most women don’t remember that the vehicle she drives needs, fuel, oil to operate. So be available to help, fill up her car, get it washed. Hold the baby, help carry the groceries from the car, do homework with the kids. 

Ask your wife if she needs anything, give her a break.  Apologise when you hurt her feelings. Be kind and considerate. You are going to mess things up, that’s what guys do, but make pretty sure, each time it happens that you -aptly apologize!

 

 

6.

Desire Her

 

Tell her that you love her…

Toys may preserve the boy in a man, but affection preserves the little girl in a woman.

Affectionately express how happy you are to be married to her. Surprise her in the mall by holding her around the waist -yes you read me correctly -soldier! Stroke her hair as you sit together waiting for dinner at the restaurant; tell her that you need her and that she makes you feel great!

Honestly, as a man,  I have to pinch myself often as a reminder to practice what I preach.

 

 

7.

Respect Her

She deserves it…

 

A husband can get so comfortable with his wife that he forgets to show her basic respect.

You show respect when you call her or message her when you’re running late.  Even if it’s just five or ten minutes later than the time that she was expecting you. Hold open doors for her. Greet her. Smile at her. Look at her when you are speaking. Value her opinion.

These are great gestures that I’m still working and grateful how they have already enhanced our marriage significantly.

 

 

8.

Accept Her

 

Accept her weaknesses…

Understand that she is not you. She will never be you, so she will say or do things that you don’t agree with.

This has been one of the greatest struggles earlier in our marriage. Remember your wife will often see things differently from you, thinks differently from you and handles things differently from you.

Learn to praise her for these strengths!

 

9.

Trust Her

 

Be real with her.

Share with her significant experiences in your life. Tell her about what’s happening at work or the incident last night with the boys.

Express when you are worried, angry, sad or happy. Don’t be proud and hard-hearted; nothing will destroy a great date night or special occasion more.

Don’t try to hide or deny your feelings before her.

God gave a man a wife, to be his hospital and doctor.  Trust her with your life, Is she is anything like my wife, she will never harm you!

 

10.

Laugh with Her

 

Maintain your sense of humor especially in times of stress…

 

Eliminate mockery and sarcasm. Laugh with each other but never at each other. Watch TV shows like ‘Friends or “The Pink Panther.”

 

 

 

So there you have it, the 10 Top Gifts To Give Your Wife This Christmas.

Our hope is that these gifts will create a rich and precious deposit into your relationship.

 

BUY NOW

 

Question: What will you be doing differently to deepen your relationship today? Leave your comment below, and share this post. 

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